Post stroke depression
‘Post stroke depression’, my consultant warned me.
Please will you watch out for it, the stats are two in three.
‘Post stroke depression’, I laughed back in his face
I’m going to tackle this stroke with vigour and with grace.
Initially I was ‘fed up’, but I’ll ask you, who wouldn’t be?
My life had changed so drastically, my old life no longer to be.
Two months after, I flew to England, my son with me all the way.
My nephew he got married, I could not miss his wedding day.
We caught up with some friends and lots of family in that two weeks.
I listened to my body (and others) and took my needed rest in between
Three months on was my birthday, many celebrations to be done.
A party, lots of friends around and had a heap of fun.
My husband took me to Melbourne and a smashing time we had.
We ate, we drank and relaxed a lot and there was nothing bad.
I still rested in amongst the laughter of this happy time.
I really felt I was getting well; there was no depression on my mind.
Then four months on, my husband, he returned to his work away.
I don’t know what the trigger was but I began to feel dismay.
Perhaps now all the festivities had been and gone in a short time
I suddenly felt so lonely and my life no longer mine.
I started being intolerant of everything my poor son did.
I shouted at him if he forgot to close the toilet lid!
His homework was confusing; his Grade Seven Maths was no mean feat.
I felt incompetent and useless; to my bed I did retreat.
I called upon my friends, as out of bed I could not ge.t
They took my son to school and back so I could get some rest.
Even though I slept I did not feel that things improved.
Sad and constantly crying, these feelings I could not move.
‘Why me? Why me?’ I asked myself, why did I have that stroke?
These things don’t happen to women like me, they happen to unfit folk.
I couldn’t see my life get better in any positive way.
So I chatted with my friends online, and my sister rang the doctor that day.
I sat and cried in front of him; I felt a failure sitting there.
All I could talk about was sadness and this feeling of despair.
I recall his words this month ago, it hit me, but perhaps I knew.
“You’ve got ‘post stroke depression. Don’t fight it let me help you”.
So medication was prescribed, something I had not really desired.
But help I needed to balance my brain, even though it would make me tired.
My husband, he took extra leave, to be at home with us
I didn’t have to do a thing, and he didn’t make a fuss.
He looked after me so well, despite my teary spells
He fed me, cared for me, hugged me lots, until I started to feel well.
He went back to work two weeks ago, and I think I’m doing well
He comes home now in two weeks’ time, and I’m different, he will tell.
I’ve penned some poems since my stroke, not all will make you smile.
But I never thought I’d write a poem about this recent awful time.
What I learnt these last few weeks, is that I am not alone.
Depression hits so many of us, without us really knowing.
Once admitted, that’s the key, to have the strength to cope.
Don’t sit and cry and wonder why, but get up and have some hope.
There are people out there who can help, so maybe let them in.
Instead of sitting on your own and feeling sad within.
So sometimes when I think I want to curl up in my cosy shell,
I look around at what I’ve got and how I’ve done so well.
I find it hard being a different ‘me’ but that is not so bad.
I will try to appreciate not what I had but now just what I have.
I’ve met some lovely people, since my stroke, who’ve helped me through.
This Facebook sites do wondrous things and they can help you too.
‘Til my next poem, when I will try and send a happier one your way.
Please don’t forget to think of lots of happy thoughts today.